Thought for the Day R4 17th April

TFTD
18th April 2009
Rob Marshall
Good morning
Picking the music for your own funeral might not be at the top of your weekend list of priorities. But a survey of funeral directors this week showed that, apart from in Scotland, more people now choose pop songs than traditional hymns. Frank Sinatra’s My Way is, apparently, still the favourite.

It is an amazing privilege to officiate at a someone’s funeral. There are many that stick in my mind because of their originality – their sense of compassion, great humour, faith and thanksgiving. One thing is for sure – no two funerals are ever the same!

And that includes the music. In recent months I’ve officiated at funerals where You Raise Me Up, Unforgettable or Alleluia have been played alongside Abide With Me and The Lord's My Shepherd.

Rites of passage are changing with the times. Church remains a popular venue for Christian weddings and funerals. But the way we plan for such occasions and our expectations of them, obviously shifts with each generation.

Thomas Mann said that "A man's dying is more the survivors’ affair than his own", underlining the point that funerals are as much for those left behind as for the deceased. Indeed, the readings, hymns, poems, songs and tributes are comfort-offering human necessities, rooted in the psychological need for a moment of fond farewell, saying goodbye and closure.

But other things happen at faith funerals where ritual almost demands a parallel need for poignancy and reflection. I certainly find that people need this too.

In the Christian service, the acts of commendation and committal are very moving and certainly best left free only for the sound of silence and meditation. These glorious words are used: “The days of man are but as grass: he flourishes like the flower of the field and when the wind goes over it, it is gone; and it’s place will know it no more; but the merciful goodness of the Lord lasts forever”. The meaning of life in death and of what lies ahead becomes the focus. People find great comfort in this moment for faith.

Most funerals are a creative ritual combination. Of remembering, faith & celebration potently mixed with moving on and commendation. And this flexible blending of the formal with the informal allows the creation of deeply spiritual space, where there is plenty of room for tears and laughter. Dignity and thanksgiving can go hand in hand.

Modern rites of passage are immersed in our particular culture whilst always looking faithfully beyond it.